I had brought this up before.. about how Sammi’s brain doesn’t cope well with information she doesn’t like.

When Ronnie told her it was over, she asked him like 85 different times to confirm it in at least 97,000 different ways before it finally sank in that he was serious and their “relationship” was over.

This week, Sammi’s lack of brainpower MIPS (Millions of Instructions Per Second) bit her in the ass….. HARD! :D HAHAHA

When you’re interrogating someone, the best thing to do is ask questions that you already know the answer to.

If I ask you “Did you go straight home?” and you say “Yes” and then I ask you “Did you go straight home?”, it’s in your best interest to consider that a) I don’t believe you, and b) I probably know something you didn’t think I knew.

This is what happened to Sammi. Nicole pulled her to the side, and with a stern look on her grill, asked “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”, to which, Sammi replied “I don’t text ANYBODY!”, and then Nicole asked Deena what the guy’s name was.

It’s right at that point in time that your brain is supposed to inform you that you’re busted. Instead, Sammi continued to deny. This is because, like I said the other day, people’s word isn’t worth **** anymore, and she’s used to saying and doing anything she wants and nobody’s worthless opinion trumps hers.

Unfortunately for her, this time, there was physical evidence.. Text messages FROM HER to the guy, on his phone, that came from her account, and had her picture attached to the messages.

Busted.

Background

Basically, Sammi & Ronnie have been dating since the beginning of season 01, or about a full year. In season 02, Ronnie “cheated” on Sammi a bunch of times and she pretended to get over it so she could look cool, but it was actually driving her crazy.

They broke up a couple of episodes ago, after Ronnie told her it was over, so Sammi thought it would be a good idea to take Nicole & Deena’s advice and dress up, go to the club and rub her ass on some other dude so Ronnie could watch and feel jealous.

Ronnie proceeded to stroll home and destroy all of her belongings, including her prescription glasses, so she ended up going home.

Sammi came back relatively quickly. I think they said on the show that she was gone for a week or so.

Upon her return, she and Ronnie got back together, naturally, because they have nothing better to do with their lives.

The problem is that apparently, as soon as she went home, while Ronnie was crying about her and ordering flowers sent to her house, Sammi started texting this guy that arrived at the club and was the flashpoint for the ensuing ruckus.

Instead of fessing up, she tried to play it off and failed miserably.

Sammi was in the right to text the dude and invite him to come see her, because she and Ronnie had broken up before she left the house, so she was absolutely single. However.. Ronnie expected her to not to kick it to some rebound dude the very next day.

When Sammi returned, she could have admitted it, but elected not to.

In fact, she was actually dumb enough to go to the club that she texted the guy to meet her at. This is what happens when someone who’s used to being a girlfriend tries to do treacherous, sneaky things. It normally doesn’t work out because she doesn’t have any practice in it.

So she doesn’t admit she was texting some other dude, gets back together with Ronnie, and goes WITH RONNIE to the club that she had told the other guy to meet her at (being that she had been single at the time).

Actually, what’s even dumber about what happened is that she KNEW that the guy she was texting was friends with Mike “The Snitchuation”, the neighborhood gossip & town crier.. Absolutely THE WORST PERSON that she could have had knowing her personal business.

Beginning Of The End

So dude shows up to the bar and asks Mike where Sammi is and announces that she told him to meet her there.

The reason this happened is that Sammi FAILED to send him the “I’m back together with my boyfriend” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Act like you don’t know me” text message. She FAILED to send him the “Don’t **** up my relationship with Ronnie” text message.

So, as far as dude knew, Sammi was still single, and still wanted to see him. He was there to see her and was ready to get it jumpin’ off. >:D

Mike asks him for proof, so dude breaks out his cell phone and scrolls through messages Sammi sent him during the few days she was out of the house / broken up with Ronnie.

In an intelligent move, Mike calls Jenni over and has dude show her the messages. Jenni informs Nicole & Deena about what’s happening, and Nicole decides to run and tell Sammi she’s busted before Ronnie finds out and flips out on her.

Nicole pulls Sammi away from Ronnie, and asks her “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?”

This should have triggered a memory search by Sammi. She should either have wondered “WHICH GUY is Nicole talking about?” or, if there aren’t a vast number of guys, she should have the name(s) available for her right off the bat.

The question was not “ARE you texting any guys?”. The question was not “Are you talking to anyone besides Ronnie?”. Nicole asked her for specific information about a specific action. It’s the difference between someone asking you “Do you have money on you?” and “Which ATM did you get that $100 in your pocket from?”. The fact that someone is aware of how much money you have on you, *AND* that you went to an ATM to get it indicates that they’re referencing something specific, not taking a shot in the dark.

The answer to “Where did you get the money in your pocket?” is not “I don’t have money in my pocket”, when you know ******* damned well that you DO have money in your pocket, and exactly the amount you’re being asked about, which you retrieved from an ATM, to boot. The response is either a) “How do you know how much money I have?”, b) “How do you know I went to an ATM”, or c) I went to the ATM at Crenshaw & Slauson.

Similarly.. The response to “What’s the guy you’ve been texting?” is either a) “Who told you I was texting a guy?”, b) “How do you know I’ve been texting a guy?”, or c) a list of names of the guys you’ve been texting…. The answer “I don’t text ANYBODY!” clearly isn’t going to save your ass, because the way the question was formed indicates knowledge of your actions prior to approaching you.

So Sammi lies and says she hasn’t been texting any guys. She had already been busted on the reunion special for season 01 when they showed footage of her commiserating with Mike about this guy that she had been talking to behind Ronnie’s back. There was footage of her and Mike in her room and also driving together in the car, talking about her treachery, and for some odd reason, Snitchuation backed her play, violating “Guy Code” or “Dude Code” or “Bro Code” or whatever they call it, and completely siding with “Girl Code”, like Ronnie accused him of a full year later.

This was a problem as well. Nicole had stepped to Sammi so they could get their lies straight and do damage control. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is….

Believing Your Own Hype

I have to go off on a tangent, here. :D If you’re an attractive female, and it seems like everybody agrees with what you say, they don’t. It’s easier to get laid if you agree with what hawt chicks say, is why nobody argues with you. Also, your opinions don’t have any bearing on anything important, so there’s no reason to jar you from your illusions and delusions.

Please don’t let this go to your head, where you think you’re actually SMARTER than the people surrounding you. When people know you’re wrong, they STFU so they can remain in your good graces and get the benefits. Girls benefit from the trickle-down guys they get to rap to that you reject. Guys get to benefit because they get to screw you.

Do yourself a favor, and figure out your relative intelligence before you attempt to run scams or lie about texting guys behind your recently-broken-up-with boyfriend’s back.

So.. Sammi, thinking she’s smarter than she actually is, doesn’t take advantage of this golden opportunity that Nicole gave her. Since she’s used to saying something and believing that people accept her word as bond, her brain elects to override the facts with belligerence. Her brain decides that she’s going to shout everyone down and tell them how it is, like Travolta in “Get Shorty”.

Had she been mentally functioning within the realm of reality, as soon as Nicole & Deena told her that there is a guy, on the premises, with a smartphone, that has text messages from her, with her face on them, inviting him to this very club to come see her, she would have sent Deena on the sneaks to try to tell the dude to play it off and not tell Ronnie what’s going on.

She couldn’t have gone, herself, because Ronnie would have followed her. She couldn’t have sent Nicole, because Ronnie would have watched where she went and come over to interrogate Sammi.

None of this matters, because Sammi’s response was to go on the warpath.

Nicole tells her “You texted him to come here tonight” and Sammi’s response is “No, I didn’t!”. Once again, wasted scheming time. Stop trying to dictate reality. You are not Nostradamus. You are not a Jedi. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself… *NOW*, Not only did Nicole tell you the name of the dude, and that he’s here in the club right now, and that he already told the fellaz that you told him to come see you here, but she’s telling you WHAT. YOU. SAID. IN. YOUR. MESSAGES. that he has with him, on his phone, right now, and that he’s already shown to Mike, Jenni, Deena and herself, and you’re STILL DENYING THAT YOU TEXTED HIM???

This chick is really dense. I think she would still have tried to deny if Chris Hanson had offered for her to sit down and have some lemonade.

Lesser Included Charges

Next, Sammi does the worst thing she could have done, and without making a plan with her girls about how she’s going to get over, she goes back over to where Ronnie is.

This is where I have to give Mike Snitchuation ultimate credit for his plotting. It worked out perfectly. Sammi still would have been busted if Mike had gone directly to Ronnie, because the evidence was in dude’s phone, but the fact that Mike enlisted ALL OF THE GIRLS ahead of time made Sammi look like a complete AssHat while they collectively explained the situation to Ronnie.

Sammi played “I’m so confused.. What are you talking about? :O” while Jenni and Nicole explained to her in front of Ronnie that the dude is here, he said Sammi invited her to come see him and he has the text messages still on his phone, to prove it, including her ******* picture on the texts.

So then, Sammi changes her story, ENTIRELY, right before Ronnie’s eyes.

All of a sudden, it’s not “I don’t text anybody” and “No I didn’t”, but rather “I will go ******* confront that guy, Arvin, and Mike, together, because let me tell you something… Arvin’s my friend from home!”

I’ve seen this a million times. Of course, guys do this too, but I’ve seen chicks change their excuse on the fly, when reality finally sets in that they’re not going to win.

You can’t change your excuse from “I didn’t have sex with him” to “I had sex with him because I was drunk” to “I made a mistake” to “I don’t remember having sex with him”… Which one is it? o_O

Unfortunately for you, excuses don’t cascade like Lesser Included Charges. If someone’s accused of Murder 1, they might actually be convicted of Murder 2 or Manslaughter, which is the exact same charge with lower levels of culpability / premeditation, so they carry lower sentences. Excuses don’t work like that. “He’s my friend from home” doesn’t fit inside “I didn’t text him”. “I texted him because we’re friends” doesn’t fit inside “I don’t text anybody”. Either you were lying at first, or you’re lying now.

What “Friends” Means

Also, just last month, I talked about what women MEAN in these situations when they say a guy is their “friend”. They don’t mean they like each other and pal around. They’re indicating that they don’t have sex with this particular male of the species.

For some reason that’s completely beyond me, women think that calling a guy their friend actually deflects suspicion. I just don’t get it. I mean.. When was the last time that a chick actually ADMITTED that she’s givin’ it up? o_O .. Like, to someone that’s not her boyfriend or husband?

Never, that’s when.

Any. Guy. That. A. Chick. Doesn’t. Want. To. Admit. She’s. Hooking. Up. With. Will. Be. Called. Her. Friend.

Get a clue, ladies. Everybody knows what time it is. I know you have to play it off, but don’t do yourself the disservice of believing that anybody believes you when you say it.

*PRO TIP* – Real Friends have something in common. That’s why they’re friends. People aren’t friends for no reason. This is why calling a guy your “friend” doesn’t fly. Just because you have a nice ass and he happens to like nice asses, that’s something you share in common, but it’s not something that makes you friends.

If you insist on using this as a cover, make sure you add the functionality of your so-called friendship in the explanation. “We work in the same industry”. “We both enjoy flying kites”. “We’re both studying Italian in the same class”. “We both have stamp and/or butterfly collections”. Make up SOMETHING that possibly explains why in the hell he would elect to be “friends” with you instead of boning you.

*PRO TIP #2* – If you’re going to go the “He’s my friend” route, make sure you select a guy that actually makes friends with girls for reasons other than eventually or immediately having sex with them.

DO NOT select a guy that’s a Hunter and expect anybody to believe he’s not doing his damnedest to screw you.

DO NOT select a guy that’s homeboys with your male roommate, who knows damned well that this dude doesn’t give a **** about you other than trying to hook up with you.

DO NOT invite your so-called “friend” to meet you at a club. Do not invite him to meet you at a club where your boyfriend will be in attendance. If you have to say something in public, play it off like you want to meet him for coffee (when everybody that knows him knows damned well that he NEVER drinks coffee and only drinks beer). Make some kind of platonic-looking excuse to spend time with him so that when you finally get busted, you can be like “So what? I had coffee with my friend. Big deal!”.

So.. Basically… As soon as Sammi changed her story from “I didn’t text anybody” to “I texted this Hunter and told him I wanted to see him and to meet me at a nightclub because he’s someone I know platonically from home that I don’t hook up with”, Ronnie knew what time it was.

Edited Conversations

I really don’t know what Sammi hoped to accomplish by confronting the two guys who were in control of the physical evidence of her actions. It was too late. The cat was out of the bag. Jenni, Nicole, and Deena had already seen her face next to the BBM text messages on the dude’s phone.

What was she going to do? Tell him to erase them? :D People had already seen them. She had already changed her excuse. She wasn’t denying that she sent him the messages, she was saying that it was OK that she sent him the messages because they share a platonic relationship together, based on………… o_O

So Sammi brings Ronnie over and steps to the dude. MTV proceeds to do a very creative edit that doesn’t make any sense at all. They make the conversation go:

Sammi: “You’re my friend”
Dude: “Yeah”
Sammi: “That’s It?”
Dude: “So?”

Then, they do a conspicuous cutaway to Ronnie standing there doing nothing so they don’t have to play the rest of the dialogue in the conversation, and next second, Ronnie’s walking away, upset, going “It’s fine. I’m going to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom”.

This doesn’t make any sense at all, but it was the best edit the MTV producers could come up with based on whatever raw footage they had.

I’ve never had this happen to me, because chicks aren’t stupid enough to think I’m going to back their play if they bring their boyfriends to me, asking questions about my personal business. We can extrapolate what actually happened from the facts that we have:

1. Dude is AT THE CLUB BECAUSE Ronnie’s girlfriend (ex at the time) texted him, told him she wanted to see him and invited him to that specific club to spend time with her.
2. Ronnie was at home crying over Sammi and sending her flowers while she was texting with this dude.
3. Dude has the physical evidence ON HIM, in his phone, and everybody’s seen it already.
4. Sammi initially denied sending the texts, then admitted sending the texts while explaining that this guy is a platonic friend of hers.
5. Sammi claimed she was going to confront Mike and the dude, implying that she was going to get them to recant their story.
6. With Ronnie standing right there, she asked the dude if he was her friend.
7. Dude replied “Yes”.
8. Sammi asked “That’s it?”, requesting confirmation from him that they’re not messing around.
9. Dude replied “So?” instead of “No. We’re not messing with each other”.
10. More conversation occurred that MTV deleted.
11. Ronnie is upset and claims he has to go to the bathroom so he can escape the embarrassment.

Now.. If dude had said, in the part that MTV deleted “Listen, man.. I’m not kickin’ it with your girl. We’re “just friends” and she wanted to meet me here and have a drink and talk about her relationship to you, so I got dressed up, got a fresh haircut and drove my ass all the way here to this club, paid to get in and then paid for outrageously-priced drinks while I was waiting for Sammi to arrive for our platonic conversation about you that we can’t even have because it’s too ******* loud in here, so I probably would have had to take her to my SUV with the tinted windows and talked to her in the back…” Ronnie would have been ok with that.

That’s obviously not what happened.

Possibilities

One possibility is that Sammi and Ronnie stepped up, dude produced his phone, showed it to Ronnie and said “Here’s what your girlfriend sent me”, and let the facts speak for themselves.

Another possibility is that he didn’t deny messing with her.

This is what I mean about women trying to hide behind the term “friends”. Sammi asked him if he was her friend, and he said “yes”. That means that he likes her as a person. It doesn’t mean he’s never ****** her. Also, I’m sure Ronnie’s been in lots of situations where a chick he was screwing told people that he was her friend. Whether they believed it or not doesn’t change the facts of their relationship and sexual involvement.

This is why I’m suspicious of the word “So?” being the end of the conversation. It can’t be. She would have had to counter that with “You and I have never had sex, right?”, and then the entire situation goes downhill.

The problem here is that Sammi’s asking the dude to say “Yes, I’m a Herb. I hang out with girls for no reason at all. I don’t like to screw attractive chicks.”.. The second problem is that even if dude decided to lie about that for her benefit, he’s actually friends with Mike and has probably hung out with Ronnie before as well. That means they’ve all hunted together. That means Ronnie already knows damned well that this dude wouldn’t come to see Sammi for some bullshit platonic reason.

Another possibility is that dude showed Ronnie the text messages and said “No disrespect to you, dude. She told me y’all broke up. She invited ME to come spend time with her. I wasn’t trying to cut your throat. She never told me y’all got back together.”

He wasn’t obliged to say all that, because whatever he’s doing with Sammi is his own personal business and none of Ronnie’s business. If he’s friends with Ronnie, a very basic “Your ex girlfriend threw sex at me” is easily understandable and there should be no hard feelings in either direction. There was no reason for Ronnie to be disrespectful towards him for coming to a club to meet a newly-single female he wants to ****, and there was no reason for him to be disrespectful towards Ronnie for asking him about his personal business with Sammi.

Another possibility is that he told Ronnie “Yo. Mind your business.”

I doubt that’s what happened, because he had already told Mike, who told everybody else, so Ronnie was going to find out one way or the other. On top of that, dude is an actual friend of Mike’s, so there’s no reason for them not to clear the air so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

Another possibility is that he played the platonic friend role, but wasn’t convincing.

I doubt that’s what happened, because Mike and Ronnie know who he is and that he does the same thing they do when it comes to chicks.

Again, I’ve never been in this situation, so I can’t really say what I would have done.

What I *WOULDN’T* have done is ask Mike where Sammi is instead of just texting her ass and telling her to meet me by the bar. Either that, or physically going to find her, in which case, I would have seen Ronnie shadowing her and I would have known they were back in action.

Most likely, purely hypothetically, my reaction to Sammi and Ronnie coming to ask me about my personal business would depend on the level of friendship I had with Sammi. If she and I were TIGHT, I’d fall on my sword and go the “I’m a Herb” route, because I’m gonna do whatever I want with her ANYWAY, regardless of what her man thinks of me. If it makes her life better for her boyfriend or whatever to believe I’m a chump that hangs out with his girlfriend playing scrabble, that works for me.

If we weren’t cool like that, I would have shown Ronnie the text messages with his girlfriend’s face on it, let him read the evidence for himself, and said “If y’all are back together, cool. She said she was single now and wanted to spend time with me, so here I am.”

The other problem with the footage is that the dude looked completely calm in every single frame. There’s no “My bad, dude.” in his demeanor. He doesn’t look as if he just took one for the team and claimed he’s never messed with Sammi. He looks like “Whatever, dude.”, which is totally not the response Sammi was hoping to receive by “confronting” him and Mike.

The confrontation was supposed to yield a reversal from both guys. It clearly didn’t.

Whatever was said, Ronnie was rather upset, and broke up with Sammi, *AGAIN*! :D hahaha

Somehow, they end up in the kitchen, when Ronnie had claimed he had to go to the bathroom, and Ronnie proceeds to throw a min-fit: “Have fun with the girls.. I didn’t ******* call NO GIRLS while you were gone… I had every chance, on Thursday, to bring the ******* HOTTEST girl in the club home, and I ******* DIDN’T, because I was CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH over ******* YOU!”

As much as I detest commenting on their juvenile, elementaryschoolesque relationship, I feel I should say that “If I had known you were sending text messages to another guy, I would have ****** this girl I met the other day” isn’t a good look.

You Betta Recognize!!!

The next thing that happens is that Sammi starts breakin’ on Mike, telling him she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Snitchuation’s response is basically “Don’t get mad at ME because YOU got busted! :D”.

In fact, Sammi has nothing to be mad at Mike for, because even though he was snitching and gossiping as usual, this time it worked out in the favor of the guys instead of the girls. Under “Guy Code”, Mike was obliged to inform Ronnie that his girl has been throwing it at his friend. Sammi has already benefiited from “Girl Code”, because if not for that, “The Letter” would never have been written, and she wouldn’t have been invited to sleep in the girls’ room after Ronnie destroyed all her stuff.

Typically, even though it may have been left out in the edit, there has been ZERO heartfelt apology from Sammi. She denied all the way to the end of the episode that she was messing with that dude. She kept saying “He’s. My. FRIEND!!!”, to which Vinny eventually casually replied “Girls don’t have friends that are guys.”

The bottom line, ladies, is that if you’re gonna mess with a shark, give him the respect of remembering that he’s a ******* SHARK! >:D .. He doesn’t believe anything you say. He lets it slide because it doesn’t matter, and it’s easier to have sex with you if you think he believes you’re right.

You can’t get away with the same excuses that work on Herbs because Hunters live in the real world and have been on both sides of the equation. They’ve been the guy lied to and they’ve been the guy that the gal lied to her boyfriend or husband about. They’ve told the lies to get the girl to give it up and they’ve told the lies that help their close homegirls maintain their relationships. They’ve looked dudes square in the eye and told them “Nah, I’m not ******* your woman” when they just got up off of her an hour ago.

Do yourselves a favor, ladies… Give a shark respect for who he is, and he’ll give you respect for recognizing game and coming correct.

Even though Ronnie sold out in the beginning of season 01, I said from the first time I saw the show that he should have been the top dog and squad leader over Pauly, Mike & Vinny when it comes to pulling chicks… Just because he’s been crying every episode and exhibiting Herb-like behavior doesn’t mean he’s not a shark at heart.

If your man’s an accountant or something, go ahead and tell him that you were texting another shark to meet you at a nightclub for platonic reasons. He’ll buy it. He’s not even going to be able to IMAGINE the kinky ways his girlfriend or wife gives it up when she’s with guys that actually turn her on and know how to put her body to work.

If you decide to date a badboy, understand that if you introduce him to another badboy as your so-called friend, they’re going to be able to detect each other, which most likely isn’t going to work out in your favor.

Mistaken Identity

I recently had a weird situation occur, along these same lines, but for the exact opposite reason.

I ran into this chick that I know but that I’ve never messed with. She could definitely get it, because she’s FOYINE, but I’ve never hooked up with her, dated her, nothing. She and I would actually qualify as “friends” in the platonic sense, not because I wouldn’t hit it, but because I haven’t yet.

I hadn’t seen her in well over a year, maybe even close to two. I greeted her, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and asked her how everything was going. She replied “eeh. :/” and seemed to be looking past me, over my left shoulder as she was walking away.

I found her statement and response odd, but didn’t think anything of it, because I hadn’t seen her in so long that who knows what the hell had happened in her life during that time. \o/

So later, there was a baby crawling around, maybe a year old, and this baby crawls over to me and is really friendly, haha, most likely because we’re approximately the same color and have the same texture of hair.

In fact, I had never seen that kid before in my entire life. Being the friendly person that I am, I smiled and waved at the baby and he smiled and waved back.

20-30 minutes passed, and a mutual friend of mine and that chick’s was talking to some dude I’ve never seen before in life and decided to introduce us. I walked over and shook his hand, but he seemed really stiff.. tight.. as if he had some kind of problem with me that I wasn’t aware of.

Shortly after that, I had another run-in with the baby, except this time, the girl I hadn’t seen in ages was interacting with him in a way that indicated to me that she was most likely his mother.

This put all the pieces together for me :D

The guy was stiff because he’s her boyfriend, and purportedly the baby’s father.

Meanwhile, a guy he’s never seen before shows up, knows his girlfriend, her kid looks like me and is very comfortable around me…. hahaha Like they say on The Maury Show, I am ONE THOUSAND PERCENT POSITIVE I am not the father, because I’ve literally never had sex with her ever in life.

If he had asked me, I would have said “Nope. I’ve never dated or messed with your woman.”.. Not because it’s any business of his, because if he’s worried about whether he’s the pops or not, he needs to spend the money on a paternity test, but rather because I’m actually *NOT* messing with her, and The Ki-Hid Is Not My Son! >:D

–
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Related Posts

• Platonic Relationships
• Girls Don’t Have Friends That Are Guys
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• 10 Reasons He Wants To Be “Just Friends”
• “Busted” Haiku

A friend of mine told me my dating posts are sometimes shocking to her. :D

This is a good thing… You can either feel shocked now or feel shocked later when/if something happens to you in the future.

If you’re shocked now, you’ll be more prepared to deal with a situation if it becomes necessary. If you’re shocked when it happens, not only are you going to be surprised, but you’re going to be confused because neither you nor anybody you know will have a valid explanation of what just happened to you.

This is why women come up with statements like “He wasn’t mature enough” or “He’s a BOY, not a MAN” or “He’s afraid of committment”, when the fact of the matter is that he saw something he wanted, he set you up and then he hit it & quit it. Period. Ain’t No Mystery. :D

The reason you’re clueless as to what’s happening to you is that all the people you talk to and whose articles you read are giving you censored dating information.

Censorship & Shelter

When I was a a kid, I grew up watching network television (the basic channels that are freely available to the viewing public). I didn’t have HBO and Showtime and whatever else they were offering at the time.

Network television is censored. All content that might be deemed offensive or unsettling is removed from the television show or film. This is why, in the beginning of a movie, it would say “Edited For Television”. You’re not seeing the entire film. You’re not receiving the same experience that theatergoers did when they saw the movie.

I used to do this for one of my clients. We called it “Prepping” (Preparing) the film. You have to watch the entire movie and every time someone curses (swears, cusses), you remove the audio so their mouths are moving but you can’t hear anything.

Same thing for any other content that was deemed inappropriate by the station’s standards. If there was egregious violence, the EP might instruct you to take it out. Visually unsettling content? Out. Nudity? Out. Sex? Out.

What you end up with is a film that tells the story, only not in its entirety. You’re still entertained, but there are KEY elements of the film’s plot or character development that were kept from you that inhibit your complete understanding of the situation.

Growing up, I didn’t realize that this was being done until I saw the same movies on cable television (paid for by subscription so you can see theatrical releases of films without commercials) that I had seen on network television. My memory is visual (which is one of the reasons why I can do what I do at this point as a video editor) so after watching a film a couple of times, I’ve pretty much memorized the sequences without consciously trying to.

So I’m watching a movie, where it goes from, say “Scene A” to “Scene C” on network television. Where it’s supposed to cut, it cuts.. but it goes to this 5-minute-long “Scene B” that I never saw before because it had been censored for sexual content when it was shown on network television. Of course.. Since the filmmaker included this scene in the unedited theatrical release, this scene was also *NECESSARY* to explain why one of the characters gets all emotional later in the film, which never made any sense to me because all they had done was walk around holding hands the entire movie and I wasn’t aware that they had hooked up.

Same thing with cursing. If all you watch is network television, everything you’re seeing and hearing is censored. When you finally watch a film in the theater, you’re going to be SHOCKED that people are cursing so much. In fact, Depending on your peer group (if they’re as sheltered/clueless as you are), you’re going to be shocked when you hear ANYBODY in the street cursing because you watch Oprah and Dr. Phil and reality television shows where every curse word is BLEEPed out or the audio is removed and you’re not used to the concept that there are lots of people who curse all day every day.

Welcome To The Real World, Neo

This is why some of my dating posts are going to be shocking to you. I’m talking about things you weren’t told about. I’m talking about things that were deliberately… things that *ARE* deliberately being kept from you so that you can remain clueless and keep falling for the okey-doke.

Nobody’s going to admit to you that they walked all the way across the bar to come meet you because they liked your ass and wanted to see if they could tap that. Meanwhile.. The next day, the way you were described to the fellaz that weren’t there is “Yo. I met this chick with a DOPE ASS last night”, and that’s all the initial description you get. Maybe we’ll get to hear whether you were wearing jeans or a miniskirt ON that azz before the play-by-play of his conversation/action with you begins, but I have *NEVER* heard a rap report begin with “Yo.. I met this really well-read woman this evening!” or “Yo.. I met this chick that has a PhD and speaks 5 languages, SUNNN!!! >:D”. Similarly, I’ve never heard a guy tell me that he deliberately kicked game to a gal he wasn’t physically attracted to (read: wanted to have sex with).

The less you know about this stuff, the better it is for everybody. Guys get what we want and gals feel good about giving it to us. It’s extremely important for you to believe that we spoke to you because we noticed that you were reading XYZ book or you were doing the same exercise we like to do in the gym and wanted to give you some “friendly” pointers. It’s important for you to believe that we really didn’t know what aisle the beer was in at the supermarket when we walked up to you and asked if you could help us… and then our eyes inexplicably and supernaturally locked…

I’m not guessing about this stuff I blog about. I’m not making things up out of thin air or speculating about what some guy MIGHT do, say or think. I write about what I’ve personally done to people, what people have done to me, and what people whose opinions I trust and respect have told me they’ve done or that others have done to them.

I’m telling you, and not guessing, that guys have:

1. Taken off their wedding rings so it doesn’t hinder them from meeting other women.
2. Bought and worn fake wedding rings because they know some women go after married men harder than they go after single guys.
3. Carried on multiple simultaneous long-term relationships (LTRs).
4. Had sex with chicks that were drunk out of their minds and/or passed out.
5. Had unprotected sex with girls until she called them and said she was pregnant, then never accepted another call from her ever again in life.

I’m telling you, and not guessing, that gals have:

1. Hooked up with guys they weren’t physically attracted to so they could get their hands on his money.
2. Bounced from a perfectly good relationship because she got rapped to by a guy that makes more money than her current man.
3. Not informed the guy who got them pregnant until it was too late to consider alternatives to having the kid (thus, removing him from the discussion of “What are WE going to do?”).
4. Had diseases and not told the guy until AFTER she had sex with him (if she ever told him at all).
5. Hooked up with the next man, gotten pregnant and tried to pin it on their steady boyfriend.

If these things don’t shock or scare you.. THEY *SHOULD*! :D

It’s All In The Game

They don’t shock me because I’ve seen the ‘real movie’ and you haven’t. I had to listen to the cursing before I removed it so you could watch a curse-free film on network television. I saw the sex & violence scenes that the Executive Producer ordered removed so you could watch a non-offensive film.

I’ve had a chick tell me that she was from out of town and leaving tonight and then when I checked with a friend of mine at the same party that had kicked it to the same chick, he informed me that she said she was from here and wanted to go home with him. I’ve seen dudes drop off one chick at the train station that thought she was his exclusive girlfriend and then we’d travel back to the same train station an hour later to pick up another girl that thought SHE was his only girlfriend. I’ve had chicks front for HOURS like they didn’t want to hook up with me and then when I start bailing to go meet up with a different chick, ALL OF A SUDDEN they want to give it up. :D

I’ve seen, experienced and heard about myriad treacherous situations that are censored from the dating public so y’all don’t flip your wigs. Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it’s not happening to you or your friends. Sometimes, the correct assessment of a situation lays outside the box of what you’re willing to consider or what you’ve been trained to understand.

Your baby’s father never changes his own kid, feeds him or her, or spends time with the baby alone so you can go out with your girlfriends?.. Maybe he never intended to do any of that stuff to begin with. o_O He never cooks or washes his own clothes? (much less, YOURS!).. Maybe that’s why you were ‘hired’. Having a girlfriend is supposed to lead to less work and more fun, not more work and LESS fun. Every so often, the obvious explanation is also going to be shocking for you.

Are there people that approach dating like an After School Special or a John Cusack movie? Certainly. Lots of them. They dance around the Christmas Tree holding hands and melt The Grinch’s heart.

Other people approach dating like a sport or a game and their goal is to WIN. Whether you win too is a peripheral issue and sometimes not even considered.

The contest is ON to bag the oldest chick that’s still hawt enough to count as a MILF to the fellaz. The race is ON to hook up with twins, or at least sisters, either in serial or parallel.

There are females that sit around comparing notes and berating their girlfriends that aren’t hooked up with rich enough guys. There are gals that have kids so they can get guaranteed paychecks from their victims, er, the babies’ fathers.

Shock & Awe

Some of what I write about is shocking or upsetting or depressing because that’s how REAL LIFE goes, sometimes. I’ve seen dudes fake being religious, get married to a chick, have a kid with her and then blow the whole charade by getting busted, Tiger Woods-style, sexting and voicemailing with a girl half his wife’s age…. I mean, DAMN! :D

Every once in a blue, something I consider completely outlandish and over-the-top happens and I just have to shake my head as my expectations for human beings and their behaviors sink to a tragically pathetic new low.

Most times, I’ve already seen a version of the play someone tries to pull on me or on someone else. I’m usually bored by people’s primitive tactics and the countermeasures are so obvious that I don’t even get excited about whether they’re going to work for me or not.

I don’t even hold grudges against the gals that try to play me. I just charge it to the game and keep it movin’. I don’t FORGET what they tried to do, but I understand why they went out like suckers and I also understand why they tried to bag The Kid.

So.. The ‘shocking’ stuff I write about, you can watch on the news every day. A dude’s married for 50 years and then it’s revealed that he’s had another girlfriend for the last 30 years?.. Whatever. A dude has two different families that live in two different houses and he tells one gal that he works the day shift and the other gal he works the night shift so he can spend time with both of them?.. Whatever. A woman reveals after 15 years of a dude bussin’ his ass working every day to support his child that the kid isn’t his?.. Whatever. A chick drags 8 dudes on The Maury Show because all of them hit it without using condoms within a week of when she became pregnant?.. Whatever.

The dating scene isn’t actually a shallow public pool.. It’s a shark tank. You feel shocked because you think I’m telling you there are sharks in the pool. I’m actually just informing you that you jumped in where the sharks already were doin’ their thang. Your best defense is to know that there are sharks before you jump in, so you can digest this information and make educated decisions when the time comes.

If you hop in the water, bleeding (Girls complaining about your situations and telling guys exactly what they need to know to easily bag you.. Guys leading with your wallets and letting gals know you’re willing to spend every last dime of your hard-earned money if she’ll hook up with you), there’s a percentage chance that you’ll emerge unscathed, but there’s also a good chance that you’re gonna Get GOT!

So.. Whether you’re shocked or not and whether you like it or not, I didn’t make up THE RULES to this game… I’m just the one tellin’ ya how it is.
–
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It’s rare that I hear anything of actual interest on “Reality Television” shows, but on this week’s “Real World: DC”, Andrew said in the confessional that he doesn’t trust women… Across the board… Like, women IN GENERAL, he doesn’t trust.

They threw in a sound bite about him being aware that his mother cheated on his father. That was probably the deepest revelation in the show about him because he’s made a career out of NOT giving up any personal information about himself. In fact, the reason this came up was that the girl he’s now calling “girlfriend” told him that she feels like he’s holding back, which has been his Modus Operandi the entire show.

I also found it interesting that he invoked “Bros Before Hoes” not once, but TWICE in episode 2311, as well as mentioning his “Wingman Responsibilities”…

Casting Calls

ok.. I have to sidetrack for a second. So this entire episode was about Andrew and his “Girlfriend” (named Andrea). They have him introduce her by saying “So I met this girl at [whatever location]…” and they don’t show where/when he met her, but he comes walking down the street with her. They play the entire episode like it’s some kind of chance meeting, like they’ve been playing all the other chicks the guys in the house have met / made out with / brought back to the crib.

So just now, I wasn’t sure what episode this was, so I go to MTV’s site and they have a section called “View Andrea’s Casting Tape”. :/

Of course, I’m like “How the hell does a random chick in Washington, DC have a CASTING TAPE on file with MTV?” :/

At the end of the video, where she was interviewed via Skype, she says that MTV would regret not picking her, because she would probably try to “sleep with” everyone in the house”…… COME ON, MAN! :/

So.. Apparently, MTV reached back to the benchwarmers and selected this chick to try to get some action in the house. Lame. I wish I hadn’t looked for that episode and stumbled upon that audition tape. Now, I have to go off on an entirely different tangent than I intended…

No Action

I don’t know how they did the casting for this season, but it ended up mad lame. “Jersey Shore” kicked this entire season’s ass with their first two-hour episode. The reason they needed to reach back to their audition tapes is that the chicks in the house are a bunch of do-nothings. Surprisingly, Andrew put in the most work this season, followed by Josh, even though he had a girlfriend that he eventually dumped so he could hook up with other chicks without feeling guilty about it. Next in line was Mike and then bringing up the rear was Ty, who fell in love with Emily, who immediately cut him off as soon as he told her he was really into her. It really looked in the beginning like it was going to be exactly the opposite, with Ty being the leader, followed by Mike, Josh and Andrew getting lucky, maybe.

As far as the chicks… Nothing. Not a damn thing. I don’t know HOW they cast ALL of these do-nothings on the same show. \o/ Emily was hooking up with Ty until he confessed his feelings for her and she dumped him, never to get another rap ever again for the entire show. The day she dumped Ty, we saw her dancing with some dude that LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE TY in a bar, while Ty looked on, upset.. but after the breakup, Emily’s had ZERO romantic storyline whatsoever. Nothing. Off the grid. Gone.

Ashley started out strong and made out with her housemate, Mike, but after that… NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. No action of any kind, whatsoever. Callie could have had action with Andrew from the giddyap, since he was all into her, but she fessed up on that so that she could do……… NOTHING! No romantic storyline AT ALL. Erika has a boyfriend that she calls on the phone incessantly until he picks up the phone. No romantic storyline. No visit from the boyfriend. No action whatsoever. As a matter of fact, you mostly see Erika and Emily talking to THEIR MOTHERS on the telephone more than guys.

This is why for the sake of an interesting storyline, MTV had to reach back to the bench. If they had Andrea’s audition tape BEFORE they cast the entire show, they completely ****** up by not casting her instead of either Erika or Callie. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that they made an emergency casting call for new chicks once they realized how completely ****** their female storylines for this season were.

I don’t blame them for bringing in a ringer, except this completely undermines my point in this article. I was going to talk about how Andrew’s distrust of women in general is brought to his relationships, but in this case, he’s completely right. Chick says ON TAPE that she’s going to try to hook up with everyone (including chicks) in the house. Why in the world should we believe that she’s solely interested in Andrew as a boyfriend? Why in the world should HE believe that? Ugh.. Wish I hadn’t seen that. :D

Relationships Without Trust?

Anyway….. If we can put all this casting / ringer yadda yadda to the side.. I found it interesting that MTV elected to show a situation where a guy was all about a chick, head over heels for her, spending time with her, going out on dates, hooking up with her and STILL keeping her at arm’s length because he flat out doesn’t trust women.

I can see why that would be the case if he had become aware when he was younger that his mother cheated on his father. Your parents are supposed to be your blueprint for how relationships are supposed to be, or at least CAN BE in the best-case scenario. When there are infidelity or abuse issues in your household, it’s going to have a major effect on how you interact with people when it’s your turn to be involved in relationships.

The reason I wanted to discuss this is that a lot of women assume that just because a guy will mess with them, it means that he loves them or trusts them or cares about them or gives a flying **** whether they get run over by a truck. It’s just not true. Guys hook up with gals they’re physically attracted to and it’s not any deeper than that. I don’t say that to destroy your belief in Santa Claus or The Easter Bunny, I say that because there’s a percentage chance that that describes *your* relationship, whether you understand that or not.

How can a guy have a relationship to a woman he doesn’t trust?… Very simply…. So long as you don’t leave any important decisions up to her, you don’t need to trust her at all.

As long as her job description is to look good and be sexy, “Trust” never enters the equation. Unfortunately for women, attraction is built way faster than trust. Women like to call this “Thinking with the little head” and that’s very funny and all, ha ha ha, except when you don’t realize that your entire relationship is dependent upon the very concept you’re making jokes about.

Call Maury!

The way I see it.. Trust is built over time. Situations arise and you demonstrate who you are and what you’re about, instance by instance. More than once, I’ve gone into social situations with a team and split up as soon as we entered the establishment. As we selected our targets and made our individual runs, we’d eventually meet up and compare notes. The information the gals we talked to handed out would be suspiciously different, based on her level of attraction to the guy she was talking to…

She’s married. She’s not married. She has a boyfriend. She’s single. She’s from Brooklyn. She’s from Maine. She has kids. She doesn’t have kids. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, all this unreliable information which all ads up to nothing except she’s a ******* LIAR and she’s interested in hooking up with one of us, but not the other one.

Fortunately for guys, we have no problems hooking up with liars because nobody cares what they said in the first place. The problem occurs for women, when they feel like they pulled the wool over a guy’s eyes and tricked him into messing with her or claiming to be in a relationship with her or whatever her goal was.

This never comes to light, however, until something IMPORTANT comes up, where the guy needs to choose between accepting what she said like “Word is Bond” or letting her know to her face that he doesn’t believe it and he’s going to need a paternity test. :O

Related Posts

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